Uncle Mike's Quotes
Uncle Mike has made 229 quotes!
"Still to this day. No birds on ninety five." - Uncle Mike (02/12/2022)
after he drove his diesel
"They all had doctor in quotes." - Uncle Mike (02/12/2022)
bri's health insurance had very few doctors
"I don't know. I don't f**king know." - Uncle Mike (11/20/2021)
he thought all his life he was native american but turns out he isn't
"I'm more Jewish than Native American!" - Uncle Mike (11/20/2021)
"I hope she's burning in hell right now... yelling at my child." - Uncle Mike (11/20/2021)
one of their older neighbors
"And she's like, 'we're outta here.'" - Uncle Mike (04/25/2020)
"Not the site for that but okay." - Uncle Mike (04/25/2020)
racism on linkedin
"Black Pearl? That's a ship! You got her a pirate ship?" - Uncle Mike (12/25/2019)
what mom got aunt janet; it wasn't a pirate ship though
"Three hundred fifty dollars for a f**king clock." - Uncle Mike (11/11/2019)
it was a pepsi clock
"Ocean City you can get alcohol anywhere. You can go to Toys R Us and get beer." - Uncle Mike (02/02/2019)
"The fans will love that." "What fans?" - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (12/25/2018)
if the raiders moved to the UK
"I don't want my refrigerator telling me what to do." - Uncle Mike (08/12/2018)
"Are they blessing the rains down in Africa?" - Uncle Mike (08/12/2018)
bri's parents are going to africa
"Don't f**k with her, man." - Uncle Mike (08/12/2018)
aunt ruth
"I wore that pushup bra and I did not get the job." - Uncle Mike (08/12/2018)
"Well I started sorting..." - Uncle Mike (12/25/2017)
the spoons
"We knew it. Everything went down hill from there." - Uncle Mike (12/25/2017)
mistakes at christmas
"What were you raised in a barn?" - Uncle Mike (12/25/2017)
someone wasn't recycling
"Peppers is your peep?" - Uncle Mike (01/22/2017)
"What was Aaron Rodgers doing on special teams?" - Uncle Mike (01/22/2017)
green bay player hurt
"Yeah so shut the f**k up." - Uncle Mike (12/25/2016)
just making a joke
"So who got the taco thing?" - Uncle Mike (12/25/2016)
many jokes
"Mike do you want the taco thing?" "Well I might..." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (12/25/2016)
"Well the kids don't eat tacos anymore... bastards." - Uncle Mike (12/25/2016)
he wanted the taco thing
"It takes a day to make tacos... but now it's quick." - Uncle Mike (12/25/2016)
the taco thing
"I'm trying to get rid of stuff so that taco thing is not staying here." "But it's gonna save us time!" - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (12/25/2016)
we were arguing over who gets the taco thing
"It changed my life forever." - Uncle Mike (12/25/2016)
sure we were talking about the taco thing
"He's one of the Olsen twins." - Uncle Mike (09/18/2016)
greg olsen
"Cause injuries are contagious." - Uncle Mike (09/18/2016)
why players can't be on the field when someone gets injured
"Are we talking about his fantasy?" - Uncle Mike (09/18/2016)
fantasy football team; low black turnout is detrimental to obama's legacy
"You're allowed to do that?" "No." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (09/10/2016)
have beer at work
"No one wants to do it." "I do!" - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (05/28/2016)
go to the hospital to visit people
"Is it rich?" "Naw. Upper middle class." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (03/27/2016)
asking bri if the cake was rich
"And there's a ton more sex scenes than that..." - Uncle Mike (03/27/2016)
"I wished they broke every bone in Tom Brady's body." "That's really mean but I was thinking the same thing." - Megan R & Uncle Mike (02/07/2016)
"Oh, it's between the yellow poles." - Uncle Mike (12/06/2015)
gould missed :(
"My grandmother could have caught that!" - Uncle Mike (12/06/2015)
dropped interception
"There's the Philadelphia team I know and love." - Uncle Mike (12/06/2015)
they made a mistake
"Where's the flag? Brady tripped!" - Uncle Mike (12/06/2015)
"Go for it!" - Uncle Mike (10/18/2015)
4th and 1 on their 20; redskins
"Aww, they're punting. Losers." - Uncle Mike (10/18/2015)
"If he could get off the walker maybe..." - Uncle Mike (10/18/2015)
peyton not doing so well
"Butterfingers Fisher right now." - Uncle Mike (10/18/2015)
bengals tried a trick play with a lineman
"Oh well if the Browns had him you know he's gotta be good." - Uncle Mike (10/08/2015)
colts backup qb
"Why did the Browns get rid of that guy?" - Uncle Mike (10/08/2015)
he was sucking at the time
"A Jew just died." - Uncle Mike (08/28/2015)
aunt janet had a rye sandwich
"I'm feeling good about this." - Uncle Mike (08/08/2015)
he had 6 meld
"I kick a*s. Why wouldn't they keep me?" - Uncle Mike (08/08/2015)
if his company gets bought
"Well you know what they say." - Uncle Mike (08/08/2015)
he has jack s**t
"Tastes like watermelon that got set on fire!" - Uncle Mike (07/11/2015)
watermelon vodka
"She's like nuclear." - Uncle Mike (07/11/2015)
"Way to go, douche bag!" - Uncle Mike (07/11/2015)
"Can we get something behind home plate?" - Uncle Mike (07/11/2015)
tickets for a football game we want to go to
"It's like no, f**k, I want more alcohol so you put vodka in." - Uncle Mike (07/11/2015)
make sweet wine that's also alcoholic
"Seems kinda lazy since not much rhymes with 'decompose'." - Uncle Mike (04/04/2015)
"Don't get her started. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." - Uncle Mike (04/04/2015)
stacy said something about the O's
"Oh that's where the Gaylord is." "Well we don't know his sexuality." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (03/14/2015)
"Shame it wasn't earlier." - Uncle Mike (03/14/2015)
"More like Jake clean out your Locker." - Uncle Mike (03/14/2015)
jake locker retiring
"Well it's not outside, it's in the garage." - Uncle Mike (03/14/2015)
where he sleeps when aunt janet's mad at him
"I learned that in second grade so f**k you." - Uncle Mike (03/14/2015)
22/7 is pi? not even close
"Sorry about cursing around you guys. I know you're not used to it." - Uncle Mike (03/14/2015)
hahahahahaa
"Don't have friends." - Uncle Mike (01/18/2015)
"I got a Nokia. It was a good deal. It's a flip phone." - Uncle Mike (01/18/2015)
lol
"It's not even true. It's like nine thousand." - Uncle Mike (01/18/2015)
to replace a prius battery they all said it was 10 thousand
"It was off by a yard. It was close enough." - Uncle Mike (01/18/2015)
patriots; refs rounding up for them
"Jesus. Who's gonna get these cats?" - Uncle Mike (10/26/2014)
can't say it
"He's so overrated. What did he only get five touchdowns last game?" - Uncle Mike (10/26/2014)
peyton manning
"White jerseys, Joe! White jerseys!" - Uncle Mike (10/26/2014)
telling flacco who to throw to
"Well, Brian, there's always next year." - Uncle Mike (08/02/2014)
for the redskins
"They thought we were the coolest parents." Well, duh." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (08/02/2014)
dylan's friend
"She had half a cider and she's already smashed." - Uncle Mike (08/02/2014)
aunt janet
"It was touched by a thief." "It was lifted." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (08/02/2014)
"Don't jinx the season." - Uncle Mike (08/02/2014)
aunt janet moving orioles stuff around
"You know Mom. She loves drama." "What? She seems so low key." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (08/02/2014)
"People have to poop or they'll die." "Yeah but that's a different documentary." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (04/20/2014)
"The Superbowl? I said, 'let's flip to something more exciting', so we watched Downton Abby." - Uncle Mike (04/20/2014)
"Your soul's long gone by now... As many pictures as she's taken." - Uncle Mike (04/20/2014)
refering to stacy & how mom takes a lot of pictures
"Put some mice turds on it..." - Uncle Mike (12/29/2013)
bri's computers at work are old & no one wants to have them
"I just want a utility car. Like a Corvette." - Uncle Mike (12/29/2013)
"So... the big C, that's for Green Bay?" - Uncle Mike (12/29/2013)
the big c on the field in chicago
"Donut! Donut! Jelly inside! Hike!" - Uncle Mike (12/29/2013)
play call in football
"I wanna say more than nine, less than eleven..." - Uncle Mike (12/29/2013)
how many weeks aaron rogers was out
"And now we're trying to off-shore." "Yeah, that'll work. What could go wrong?" - Brian C & Uncle Mike (12/25/2013)
bri's work
"It's like Asian women smell..." - Uncle Mike (12/25/2013)
"We can only buy so many bags of coal." - Uncle Mike (11/28/2013)
"Well we also put it ten feet into the neighbors yard so it looks even bigger." - Uncle Mike (12/25/2012)
his new fense makes the yard look bigger
"They're so critical." "Yeah, they're so judgmental." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (07/29/2012)
judges
"We have a sowing machine. I could have made those shirts!" - Uncle Mike (07/29/2012)
instead of china making our olympic uniforms
"This is an issue that's crippling our nation... No cell phones for poor people!" - Uncle Mike (07/29/2012)
"Well he's basically competing against Jesus." - Uncle Mike (06/03/2012)
sanchez vs tebow, jets
"I think I'm pregnant." - Uncle Mike (04/08/2012)
he ate too much
"After eating this, I don't know." - Uncle Mike (02/05/2012)
aunt janet was saying how he has low chorestorol & he's eating a fatty pizza
"Yeah but that's hospital water." - Uncle Mike (02/05/2012)
aunt janet refilling the water bottle
"If it's not ready, I will cuss and scream." - Uncle Mike (01/22/2012)
the pizza since the game was ready to start
"What wife would let their husband wear a fomanchu?" - Uncle Mike (01/22/2012)
aunt janet did
"I hate to see that happen. Oh well." - Uncle Mike (01/22/2012)
injured patriot
"Chicken flavored chicken." - Uncle Mike (01/15/2012)
"Alright, I'm ready for my beer." - Uncle Mike (01/15/2012)
ravens second touchdown
"It is one of the loudest stadiums. It's because they're all drunk." - Uncle Mike (01/15/2012)
"Yeah, before I have this other beer, probably a good idea..." - Uncle Mike (01/15/2012)
bri helped move the drywall to the basement
"I can see the police report now..." - Uncle Mike (01/15/2012)
dylan got scratched on the face by the cat
"He was looking at the ground!" - Uncle Mike (01/15/2012)
refs were calling the game for GB, rodgers fumbled
"Loss of three? There's one, two, three, four, five..." - Uncle Mike (01/15/2012)
it was a 5 yard sack
"My grandmother could have made it!" - Uncle Mike (01/08/2012)
the kicker missed a 35 yard field goal
"I wouldn't be hoisting alcohol." "I know. Been there, done that." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (01/08/2012)
girls drinking with roethlesberger
"The ball hit the ground, Tim. Wait, what?" - Uncle Mike (01/08/2012)
looked like people were trying to explain to tebow what happened w/ the challenge
"When we say 'take a knee', we mean it." - Uncle Mike (01/08/2012)
"Apparently Jesus hates the Steelers." - Uncle Mike (01/08/2012)
"Come on, Tim. What would Jesus do? Jesus would certainly watch the time clock!" - Uncle Mike (01/08/2012)
"Well, we didn't think about the Jesus effect." - Uncle Mike (01/08/2012)
steelers preparing for the broncos
"It was baby food and formula, right?" - Uncle Mike (12/25/2011)
brian was feeding the baby
"That's tear gas." - Uncle Mike (07/02/2011)
the newly generated ghost pepper
"It's not like I bought a keg..." - Uncle Mike (07/02/2011)
he bought 12 beers at the beginning of summer & now they're gone
"Naw... we took the towels... The sofa bed was kind of a pain..." - Uncle Mike (07/02/2011)
taking stuff from hotels
"Yeah, but there's someone there besides Oliver..." - Uncle Mike (07/02/2011)
"You made a necklace out of a turtle?" - Uncle Mike (04/24/2011)
"What is this world coming to?" - Uncle Mike (04/24/2011)
making a necklace out of a turtle
"I didn't give her a butter soaked roll." - Uncle Mike (01/29/2011)
he gave candi some dog food
"You don't see me racing my guitars..." - Uncle Mike (01/29/2011)
"I almost busted out laughing... just the visualization..." - Uncle Mike (09/15/2007)
"Capri is not a German word!" - Uncle Mike (06/20/2004)
"Squish the coolest bug in the world?" - Uncle Mike (06/20/2004)
"Sit... he's a good boy." - Uncle Mike (06/20/2004)
he was already sitting
"Yeah, that was the funniest thing I've never seen." - Uncle Mike (03/27/2004)
"Really?" No... na not really." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (03/27/2004)
"Good job, Rochelle." "Yeah, good job, Rochelle." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (03/27/2004)
"Thank you for being so nice about it." - Uncle Mike (01/17/2004)
"Score... two points!" "For what? Missing?" - Uncle Mike & Roshy R (01/17/2004)
"Wasn't it great how Bret Favre didn't throw that touchdown pass?" - Uncle Mike (01/17/2004)
sooo mean
"Dungeon crap?" - Uncle Mike (01/17/2004)
"We can always put it on afterward." "Yeah." - Uncle Mike & Roshy R (01/04/2004)
she just said that
"What's with the comb over?" - Uncle Mike (12/28/2003)
"I was like 'what are you wonder cat all of a sudden?'" - Uncle Mike (12/28/2003)
"It's like asking for the Redskins to win." - Uncle Mike (12/28/2003)
"You live like a pig... Rochelle!" "Oink!" - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (12/28/2003)
"Sears... wow..." - Uncle Mike (12/24/2003)
"I'm so broke I can't even afford to pay attention." - Uncle Mike (12/20/2003)
"He's stupid, he's not dumb." - Uncle Mike (12/20/2003)
"Is that for me?" - Uncle Mike (11/29/2003)
the black bra
"It's not my cup size!" - Uncle Mike (11/29/2003)
it was too small
"Total emotional blackmail there." - Uncle Mike (11/27/2003)
"Yeah, I said 'talk to the cow, moo'." - Uncle Mike (11/26/2003)
"Oh, you broke my house!" - Uncle Mike (11/26/2003)
"Somebody's buying me a new house!" - Uncle Mike (11/26/2003)
"I was watching that... That's Sister Sister!" "What was I thinking?" - Dylan R & Uncle Mike (11/26/2003)
"Does she say 'shut up' anymore?" "Mm, hum." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (11/26/2003)
"I thought you knew... I sent telepathic messages." - Uncle Mike (09/28/2003)
"My niece is going 'ew Uncle Mike' and I'm spilling wings all over the couch." - Uncle Mike (09/28/2003)
"What is that smell?" "Shut up!" - Uncle Mike & Aunt Janet (09/28/2003)
"Why don't you all shut up?" - Uncle Mike (09/27/2003)
"You all suck, that's what's wrong." - Uncle Mike (09/26/2003)
as meggies voice
"One crisis at a time." - Uncle Mike (09/26/2003)
"Will you marry me?" "I already did." - Uncle Mike & Aunt Janet (09/26/2003)
"Mike, could you check the laundry for me?" "No." "Thanks." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (09/26/2003)
"It only weighs a thousand pounds." "No... couple hundred." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (08/29/2003)
generators
"Oh, it's more than five minutes old." - Uncle Mike (08/28/2003)
"Janet's not here. Janet ran away." - Uncle Mike (08/23/2003)
"No! He moved! That's B S! Seventy six moved first!" - Uncle Mike (08/23/2003)
"He bit my butt. It hurt so much." "I couldn't help it." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (08/17/2003)
loki really did it
"There's a word I'm thinking of that rhymes with witch." - Uncle Mike (08/17/2003)
"No, he sounds like he's upset to me." - Uncle Mike (08/17/2003)
dylan was laughing
"Can you pass me the french dressing?" "We." - Roshy R & Uncle Mike (08/17/2003)
"Oh come on! She's going to be fifteen by the time this is done." - Uncle Mike (08/17/2003)
"No, not that one, the one covered in icing." - Uncle Mike (08/17/2003)
turn the tv off
"Besides washing off the spatchula, I didn't do anything." - Uncle Mike (08/17/2003)
"They over air condition the building." "I can't imagine." - Uncle Mike & Aunt Janet (08/17/2003)
"Ah, it's not that bad. It's only this long." - Uncle Mike (08/06/2003)
showing me how long it was on the map, he's going to nc
"Me? Skinny, little Mike?" - Uncle Mike (07/30/2003)
"See? Refill." - Uncle Mike (07/26/2003)
"Okay, she'll b here at Ann O clock." - Uncle Mike (07/26/2003)
"Your hair is beautiful." "Oh, thank you." - Mom & Uncle Mike (07/26/2003)
"Ramsey insurance... we don't get up early." - Uncle Mike (07/26/2003)
"You know what? That's what neighbors are for." - Uncle Mike (07/25/2003)
letting iris out w/o bing on the chain
"I'd love to take a third mortgage on the house and go see the Ravens." - Uncle Mike (07/24/2003)
"There's no such thing as lending your mother money... it's giving." - Uncle Mike (07/24/2003)
he's right
"The electricity should be on by Monday... Haha. Just kidding... it'll be Tuesday." - Uncle Mike (07/18/2003)
"Where's Mommy?" "I think she's in here." - Dylan R & Uncle Mike (07/18/2003)
in his cerial bowl
"I've seen better chick flicks." - Uncle Mike (07/18/2003)
"Something about Jennifer Lopez... just doesn't do it for me." - Uncle Mike (07/18/2003)
"Hey mister? Stupid driver." - Uncle Mike (07/17/2003)
"Shh. Stop breathing so loud." - Uncle Mike (07/15/2003)
"No. Cancel. What is this Roshy crap?" - Uncle Mike (07/15/2003)
"Aw, there's no power supply in there." - Uncle Mike (07/12/2003)
"Okay, someone get me a flash light so I can find my flash light." - Uncle Mike (07/12/2003)
"You remember I drove an hour to get you, and an hour and a half back," "Woof!" "Yeah, well..." - Uncle Mike & Lokie R (07/12/2003)
"Should they be black?" - Uncle Mike (07/09/2003)
the buscuits!
"One's Hunts, one's Heinz... they both begin with H." - Uncle Mike (07/07/2003)
"It has a pull out potty thing, that's all I need." - Uncle Mike (07/06/2003)
"Door's not open. Go away." - Uncle Mike (07/05/2003)
"More like the hundred dollar store." - Uncle Mike (07/04/2003)
"I found secret bear." "Thanks. Well, now it's not a secret." - Mom & Uncle Mike (07/04/2003)
"Do you know what I'm talking about?" "I wasn't there." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (07/01/2003)
"Mom, I go to work at two tomorrow." "Okay." - Stacy M & Uncle Mike (06/28/2003)
he did a girly voice, lol
"Pretty." "Yeah, but what about her?" - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (06/22/2003)
"What does the little magnet say?" "It says nothing, I have to look at it." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (06/22/2003)
"You're wearing a sleeveless shirt." - Uncle Mike (06/22/2003)
aunt janet insulted his
"The grill's a mess... it was full of mold." "Mmmm..." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (06/20/2003)
"Speaking of Drew Carey... I can't get the purple frog." - Uncle Mike (06/20/2003)
"She peed? How does she do it?" "Well, she..." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (06/20/2003)
"She punched me in the eye." "Just like we rehursed it." - Uncle Mike & Aunt Janet (06/19/2003) 
meggie lol
"So, is there going to be clowns there?" "Just me." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (06/14/2003)
"Yeah, I'll take that test when you stop being an ass... What do you mean I'm fired?" - Uncle Mike (06/14/2003)
"Wipe your boogers on me." - Uncle Mike (06/13/2003)
singing to 'pour some sugar on me' by def leopard, lol
"Oh, look! I see an old man snoring." - Uncle Mike (06/12/2003)
"We can put it on her. She has like a hat condom." - Uncle Mike (06/08/2003)
put pauls pirate hat on me!
"I was like 'you're supposed to use the snipper gun, Dylan, not the pistol'." - Uncle Mike (06/06/2003)
"Corrupt data... nice." - Uncle Mike (06/03/2003)
"Aw, who pooped? Come on!" - Uncle Mike (06/03/2003)
"We're going to Disney Land." "But, I wanna go." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (05/31/2003)
"I wanna see Micky." - Uncle Mike (05/31/2003)
"What are those things called?" "Pictures." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (05/30/2003)
"That was quick... what a great haircut." - Uncle Mike (05/28/2003)
they were too busy to take rochelle
"Yeah, you don't have a collection?" - Uncle Mike (05/26/2003)
"We have to get up to turn it up?" "Lazy ass." - Roshy R & Uncle Mike (05/25/2003)
"So, you don't put hot sause on your cheerios?" - Uncle Mike (05/25/2003)
"I forgot about you college kids, 'are you going to eat that bag?'" - Uncle Mike (05/24/2003)
"Ou, let's see if we can find some baby Osborne." - Uncle Mike (05/24/2003)
"I don't wanna look like a total scum bag." "But, Uncle Mike, you already are." - Uncle Mike & Janny M (05/24/2003)
"He's a frog, why can't he swim?" "Yeah, really." - Janny M & Uncle Mike (05/23/2003)
"Get down, get down." "Okay, if you insist." - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (05/23/2003)
"Hey, it's right twice a day." - Uncle Mike (05/23/2003)
his clock has been dead for a while
"I liked it... it's my new jingle." - Uncle Mike (04/19/2003)
a bigger dog is better
"Janet'll be like 'Penny's covered in poop' and I'll be like 'yeah, but it's not hers'." - Uncle Mike (04/19/2003)
"And she left the box of razer blades out again!" - Uncle Mike (04/18/2003)
megan was around like no one watching her, talking about aunt janet
"And I tell you, that pooper scooper gets clean!" - Uncle Mike (03/21/2003)
talking about putting things in dishwashers
"What? Cut paper? Are you crazy?" - Uncle Mike (03/09/2003)
"Haven't you ever fallen in love on a bus that's about to explode before?" - Uncle Mike (05/12/2002)
"Mike, would it be too gross for you to open this meat?" "I'll take that baby for ya!" - Aunt Janet & Uncle Mike (05/12/2002)