Jeff D's Quotes
Jeff D has made 238 quotes!
"Lindsay or Lori?" "I assume that was your right or your left." - Jeff D & Brian C (03/11/2017)
what jeff names his hands
"It was like, 'oh people like this? We gotta change this.'" - Jeff D (03/11/2017)
the thai place that went out & became another crappier thai place
"It's the box for are you feeling lucky." - Jeff D (03/11/2017)
"If your J and your E look alike you have a problem." - Jeff D (03/11/2017)
i can't read my handwriting when i'm drinking
"The problem with me was that I wasn't stupid, I was curious..." - Jeff D (03/11/2017)
when he was a kid
"You don't know how to communicate and you wanna give me a low thing." - Jeff D (01/26/2017)
his performance review; he was given a low score for communication
"Does he still live over there?" "Yeah." "That's too close to me." - Jeff D & Janny M (12/12/2016)
a former friend
"You can cross the street now." - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
to machine gun sound
"Doing a burn out in a Prius." - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
"I was going to tell you about a fish but I just ate it." - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
"Is it part of the swinging?" - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
"I drank the rest of that so you couldn't spike it." - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
as he got up to go to the bathroom
"You sleep with another person then you come home to the person that you're with." - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
what swinging is
"They have point parties..." - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
the point is known for swingers
"It's like everyone's dying but it's a lot of sex." - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
"How about laying pipe?" - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
"We're gonna swing all the way up there." - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
"And those noises make sense and now you know what they mean." - Jeff D (08/12/2016)
the point and the swingers
"I'll just become a male slut at some point." - Jeff D (07/21/2016)
"Why would anyone get married to ducks? I'd choose geese first." - Jeff D (07/21/2016)
"That's what I wanted to say but I couldn't put it into words." - Jeff D (07/21/2016)
"No one has conversations. It's all fact checking." - Jeff D (07/21/2016)
"I don't understand how people who don't shoot up heroine sleep at night." - Jeff D (07/21/2016)
joking of course
"Can I have my change in pennies?" - Jeff D (06/25/2016)
"Ain't no use in complaining..." "There will be." - Janny M & Jeff D (06/25/2016)
stacy & i were singing that line all night
"You know where David and all the other swingers live?" - Jeff D (05/15/2016)
"Can you drink all wines?" "At the same time?" - Janny M & Jeff D (05/11/2016)
"What was I in? Peace Core..." - Jeff D (05/11/2016)
"I like women who are workaholics... in the bedroom." - Jeff D (05/11/2016)
"Or the kitchen... for sex." - Jeff D (05/11/2016)
he likes women in the kitchen
"They got stuff coming out of the hole." "That's what she said." - Jeff D & Janny M (05/05/2016)
"You were interested in that one girl in the bikini." "What girl? There were a lot of girls in bikinis." - Brian C & Jeff D (05/05/2016)
"But I have to go to work tomorrow. I need to drink more." - Jeff D (04/20/2016)
"Well if you tripped that woman they would be dead." - Jeff D (04/20/2016)
trip someone from the team that was winning
"Just keep poking it until it comes out." "That's what she said." - Jeff D & Janny M (04/20/2016)
"Every calorie counts." "Not if you don't count it." - Janny M & Jeff D (04/16/2016)
"Go down. Go down." "That's what she said." - Janny M & Jeff D (04/01/2016)
"Why can't we not stop talking about me?" - Jeff D (04/01/2016)
"What else is there to talk about besides me?" - Jeff D (04/01/2016)
"Fine!" - Jeff D (04/01/2016)
talking to me; i didn't want a sip of his beverage
"There's pissed and then there's the mafia." - Jeff D (04/01/2016)
"We need to teach people how to say atlas!" - Jeff D (04/01/2016)
my accent
"Is it about the money or is it about the sexiness?" - Jeff D (04/01/2016)
"Is sex with my teacher a bribe?" - Jeff D (04/01/2016)
"You don't need to explain it, undergrad." - Jeff D (04/01/2016)
talking to me since i had the lowest education there
"I have two degrees in English. I'm not putting numbers on it." "He's putting letters." - Jeff D & Brian C (04/01/2016)
"Usually all my drink making and cooking involves what the fastest way of getting her in bed... So lately I've done a lot of cooking for myself." - Jeff D (03/19/2016)
"Sex is my flavor profile." - Jeff D (03/19/2016)
"I do drink hot toddies when I'm sick." - Jeff D (03/19/2016)
i was making fun of him for drinking a girly sounding drink
"That's why I try to go under you now." "That's what she said." - Janny M & Jeff D (03/19/2016)
"I was watching Zenna, princess warrior..." - Jeff D (03/19/2016)
haha
"Just the essentials." - Jeff D (03/19/2016)
"Just a hammock for your man's banana." - Jeff D (03/19/2016)
"It supports you in the motion of your ocean." - Jeff D (03/19/2016)
"Youtube is anti boob." - Jeff D (03/19/2016)
"Yeah, but this is America." - Jeff D (03/17/2016)
"Like W T F?" "What station is that?" - Janny M & Jeff D (03/17/2016)
"There's those brown things that don't make them totally white..." - Jeff D (03/17/2016)
"They were like on the stripper poll, hanging all upside down and I'm like, 'watch it, pal, you're going to throw out a hip.'" - Jeff D (02/26/2016)
"I've seen more hands than I have in my entire life." "That's what she said." - Janny M & Jeff D (02/26/2016)
i've been playing a lot of hearts
"Oh no, I can't get in." - Jeff D (02/26/2016) (pic)
"Feliza to National..." "Reagan." "What's that?" - Jeff D & Janny M (02/26/2016)
jeff refuses to call DCA airport reagan
"Yeah, follow the tracks of the coyote I guess..." - Jeff D (02/26/2016)
where the bathroom was in austin grill
"I tell you it's your water." - Jeff D (02/26/2016)
why our drinks were taking so long
"Who the f**k doesn't have triple sec?" - Jeff D (02/26/2016)
"No, sir. We don't have any water but we have salty chips and hot sauce." - Jeff D (02/26/2016)
"That's fine. We'll just have to wait!" - Jeff D (02/12/2016)
for me
"Maybe. I might not share." - Jeff D (02/12/2016)
any exploits while he's on vacation
"But you guys understand me." "Just barely." - Janny M & Jeff D (01/27/2016)
my thick accent people couldn't understand me order beer :(
"Bri leads me by my hair all the time." "Well that's okay." - Janny M & Jeff D (01/25/2016)
some dude holding his daughters or wife's arm
"I thought you weren't drinking yet." "Oh yeah. Darn!" - Janny M & Jeff D (01/25/2016)
he ordered a drink but said he wasn't drinking until after dinner
"Look at this dude leading his woman around." - Jeff D (01/25/2016) (pic)
dude and his dog
"It could be hard not to mean exactly that." - Jeff D (01/24/2016)
trump's shoot someone in context
"I know what we can play next in the lobby... strip poker!" - Jeff D (01/23/2016)
"I can see it. You painted a literal translation for me." - Jeff D (01/23/2016)
bri explaining something
"There's more deaths due to cheese steaks." - Jeff D (01/23/2016) (pic)
people want their cheese steaks in the snow
"Well there is a chain, there's just nothing to put it into." "That's what she said." - Jeff D & Brian C (01/23/2016) (pic)
"Can't get to the bank cause you need to stay off the roads!" - Jeff D (01/23/2016)
"Hmm, if I just keep repeating the same lyrics they're going to catch on... Ou! Sax solo!" - Jeff D (01/20/2016)
80's music
"Why am I wet here?" "That's what she said." - Janny M & Jeff D (01/17/2016)
"Let's bring out the lady." - Jeff D (01/17/2016)
in hearts; the black bitch queen
"Nobody dies though." "I know. Too bad." - Janny M & Jeff D (01/16/2016)
in survivor
"You seem to make up rules as you go along." - Jeff D (01/16/2016)
in uno
"Remember that skip your ass, reverse back to me? It happened again!" - Jeff D (01/16/2016)
uno
"You should resort to photoshop." "Thanks!" - Janny M & Jeff D (01/11/2016)
for his profile pictures on dating websites
"We were doing either really good or really bad." - Jeff D (01/11/2016)
"You can't touch my back and now I'm four hundred pounds?" - Jeff D (01/11/2016)
"Why do I all of a sudden have a British accent?" - Jeff D (01/07/2016)
"But I see all the great bartenders do this." - Jeff D (01/02/2016)
pour ice right from the bag into a glass
"If the maids stole it and get hammered from it, that's awesome." - Jeff D (01/02/2016)
he left his flask at the hotel on new years
"It's a wine prostate." - Jeff D (01/02/2016)
the arch in the bottom of the bottle
"Brian are you... water?" - Jeff D (01/02/2016)
"You don't go shopping for food when you're hungry and you don't pack your bag when you're drunk." - Jeff D (01/01/2016)
"Somebody has to have said that before me." - Jeff D (01/01/2016)
the above quote
"No wonder these kids grow up killing everybody." - Jeff D (01/01/2016)
their parents took them to a hotel for new years
"How do you build any dreams on that?" - Jeff D (01/01/2016)
staying at a hotel for new years
"I was saying that, too but Brian only like it when guys do it." - Jeff D (01/01/2016)
come
"Wait. I got the red one. I hope yours isn't red." - Jeff D (12/31/2015)
"It was a test. You need to drink more." - Jeff D (12/31/2015)
"She's not bad. I'd have to drink more." - Jeff D (12/31/2015)
"One... two... you're right. Three comes next." - Jeff D (12/31/2015)
"No, no. More important let's see that video again..." - Jeff D (12/31/2015)
robbin thicke video with boobs; blurred lines
"Why do you need alcohol to charge your phone?" - Jeff D (12/31/2015)
"I don't know what you're doing with your tongue." - Jeff D (12/31/2015)
"I don't mind punching you." - Jeff D (12/31/2015)
"If I say something negative that means it's over." - Jeff D (12/21/2015)
about his dates
"Jeff, they can't see them if you keep sucking on them." - Jeff D (12/18/2015)
showing people boobs
"You with your plaid shirt." "Yeah, that's what all the Jedi's wear." - Janny M & Jeff D (12/18/2015)
"These look like jeans but they're my legs. I have none." - Jeff D (12/18/2015)
"Yeah, that's not how it goes." - Jeff D (12/18/2015)
disney cruises aren't good
"Oh, doing coke and slutting around?" - Jeff D (12/18/2015)
"Where's my equal representation?" - Jeff D (12/01/2015)
they didn't have transgender options
"Ketchup? I got some in the fridge." - Jeff D (12/01/2015)
i told him to wait up so i can catch up
"Just in case we want to talk about Janis." - Jeff D (11/28/2015)
bri & jeff have each other's phone numbers now
"It's been a few days..." "...Since he's had pants on." - Brian C & Jeff D (11/28/2015)
"That's a typical Republican blaming someone else." - Jeff D (11/28/2015)
"You guys look like you're dating." "That's cool." - Janny M & Jeff D (11/28/2015)
"You get a lot of head, it gets foamy." - Jeff D (11/18/2015)
"Alright. I'm going again!" - Jeff D (11/03/2015)
"I'm a guy. I don't exfoliate." - Jeff D (11/03/2015)
"How do I join a church I don't want to join?" - Jeff D (11/03/2015)
"Guys wanting to go for a walk that late at night are only after one thing..." - Jeff D (10/20/2015)
exercise?
"Apparently people who cuss more are more trustworthy." "No s**t. You don't f**king say." - Jeff D (10/20/2015)
"If you're gonna quote it, god damn it, quote it right." - Jeff D (10/20/2015)
"That's not new news." - Jeff D (09/30/2015)
that david has been acting weird
"Ew. T M I." "Three mile island?" - Janny M & Jeff D (09/30/2015)
"I wonder if it's the coke oil." - Jeff D (09/30/2015)
we were talking about coke & their oil spill
"My intent was to do a longer one..." "That's what she said." - Jeff D & Janny M (09/30/2015)
"That's only if they catch ya." - Jeff D (09/23/2015)
transporting alcohol in utah
"You should just need to know how to get the information." "Bribe?" - Janny M & Jeff D (09/23/2015)
"I don't see how he's not dead already." - Jeff D (09/23/2015)
paul mccartney
"Just keep blowing and eventually it'll come." - Jeff D (09/23/2015)
teaching me how to whistle loud
"My boobs hurt worse than yours do." - Jeff D (09/23/2015)
"It's so slippery..." "That's what she said." - Jeff D & Janny M (09/23/2015)
the board at denisens... we were playing cornhole
"You do realize that you live and work down the street from where we're going." - Jeff D (09/11/2015)
david bought his tickets online rather than at the filmore
"I think I have nail marks in my sack, dude." - Jeff D (09/11/2015)
people touching him as they walked by
"This is from..." "Sex?" "...Well that's on my back." - Jeff D & Janny M (09/11/2015)
"I'll make fun of whatever you pick." - Jeff D (08/29/2015)
dawn & jon's baby's name
"Hey you wanna get laid together? Yeah." - Jeff D (08/27/2015)
"I wore 'em hard." "That's what she said." - Jeff D & Janny M (08/27/2015)
"Alive? Is that for dead people?" - Jeff D (08/27/2015)
the vitamins david bought for his girlfriend
"His boner? I don't think about it." - Jeff D (08/27/2015)
someone i know's boner
"He thinks that I have violent tendencies..." "Especially towards plants." - Janny M & Jeff D (08/27/2015)
cause i'm a vegetarian
"Did you get what I'm saying cause it's science. I don't know." - Jeff D (08/20/2015)
talking to me
"Yeah but do you wanna believe someone like that?" - Jeff D (08/20/2015)
something neil degrass tyson said; who is always right
"Boobs or ball sack?" "Ball sack except when it stinks." - Jeff D & Janny M (08/20/2015)
"I never said I had a problem with being a booty call." - Jeff D (08/07/2015)
"They're all foofy." - Jeff D (08/07/2015)
the bars in bethesda
"So how did you order?" "Meat, cheese, bun." "That's what she said." - Jeff D & Brian C (08/07/2015)
"You don't wanna say put down cause that sounds like... chu!" - Jeff D (08/07/2015)
describing putting a child down like putting an animal down w/ a gun
"He got it in the hole once." "That's what she said." - Jeff D & Janny M (08/07/2015)
"Are you an economist?" - Jeff D (08/07/2015)
"You do have that upside down..." - Jeff D (08/07/2015)
david's license as certified public hair trimmer
"It's just breasts." - Jeff D (08/06/2015)
"Well yeah, now he's Mormon he wants to go." - Jeff D (07/31/2015)
david wanted to go to the strip club
"The four amigos but there's only two people in the picture." - Jeff D (07/31/2015)
a pic david sent
"Thanks. Picture. Are you seeing the sunset? Picture." - Jeff D (07/31/2015)
david texting jeff
"She could not come." "That's what she said." - Brian C & Jeff D (07/31/2015)
"Let's go up here. Hot women and beer." - Jeff D (07/31/2015)
"You need something big." "That's what she said." - Janny M & Jeff D (07/23/2015)
"And you got it near the hole, that's good." "That's what she said." - Jeff D & David Ga (07/23/2015)
"They are grouping up in two's." - Jeff D (07/23/2015) (pic)
the pool balls... kinda like men's balls
"Has anyone sunk anything?" "No, just our dignity." - David Ga & Jeff D (07/23/2015)
we all sucked!
"The tip is a lot less slippery." "Cause you cheese graded it?" - David Ga & Jeff D (07/23/2015)
it's true, he did
"The girth. I'm used to it." - Jeff D (07/23/2015)
we were using the other end of the pool stick to shoot
"Like even people in New York don't do that kind of stuff." - Jeff D (07/17/2015)
stand in front of water when other people are trying to get to it
"No, if she's gonna be like that." - Jeff D (07/17/2015)
dana & motorcycles
"It's just an I P A. Just get over it." - Jeff D (07/17/2015)
"I don't have an Irish background." "He's from Ireland!" - Jeff D & Janny M (07/17/2015)
i think this is when the night got a little crazy
"It's all like shaken up nice..." - Jeff D (07/17/2015)
pizza?
"This really weird pot dealing chick..." - Jeff D (06/27/2015)
"Probably right after he switched religions." - Jeff D (06/27/2015)
when david took up ecigs
"Gotta do something when you're stuck in traffic." - Jeff D (06/27/2015)
bri has nair in his car
"He seems like he's happy to be getting out of his religion himself." - Jeff D (06/27/2015)
david
"Why are there only three? Why can't there be ten?" "That's a three." - Janny M & Jeff D (06/27/2015)
"No, not that kinda filling..." - Jeff D (06/27/2015)
i made the motion (discovery channel song)
"Cut that s**t or I mean c**t." - Jeff D (06/27/2015)
"How do you feel about women's area shaved into a swastika?" - Jeff D (06/27/2015)
"All natural." - Jeff D (06/25/2015)
"Virgin hear guaranteed." - Jeff D (06/25/2015)
i don't know
"It's like negative expectations." - Jeff D (06/25/2015)
"They're tied up. You won't hear them." - Jeff D (06/25/2015)
the women he keeps in his apartment
"Hehehe. If I have access to dynamite..." - Jeff D (05/01/2015)
"They gave you enough to give you blue balls or blue ovaries..." - Jeff D (05/01/2015)
a movie
"He's gonna get killed." - Jeff D (05/01/2015)
pope frank
"What? What is this?" - Jeff D (05/01/2015)
a car doing something stupid on the road
"Well all those sex exercises..." - Jeff D (05/01/2015)
bill clinton
"I mean how does she still work here? I mean does she know the owner?" - Jeff D (05/01/2015)
the mean waitress that likes jeff
"Jeff... she's gonna slash my tires, too." - Jeff D (05/01/2015)
what jon said about a girl jeff went out with
"He like did rocks and dirt. I wanted to do real stuff." - Jeff D (05/01/2015)
"They were all smart and I guess I wasn't." - Jeff D (04/03/2015)
"That really sounds... well... never mind..." - Jeff D (04/03/2015)
"If you're good friends with your sister..." - Jeff D (04/03/2015)
"Hello sexy..." - Jeff D (04/03/2015)
answering the phone to david
"You only use it as a phone?" - Jeff D (03/20/2015)
david's phone is out of space so he just uses it as a phone
"She seems so irritated." - Jeff D (03/20/2015)
the waitress
"Yeah, they tend to lose." - Jeff D (03/20/2015)
the us in soccer
"My one gay friend..." - Jeff D (03/20/2015)
he only has one
"If I was going to write a three page essay..." "Three page?" - David Ga & Jeff D (03/20/2015)
"Where's that pole? I wanna slide on it." - Jeff D (03/20/2015)
in the firehouse
"Anyone want some moon shine for the road?" - Jeff D (01/01/2015)
"He told me it was..." - Jeff D (01/01/2015)
"I don't think I have anything that's non alcoholic." - Jeff D (12/31/2014)
at his appartment
"You did choose dead prostitute over dick." - Jeff D (12/31/2014)
of what i don't want to find in my soup
"Which one was yours?" "The elves with the seamen." - Janny M & Jeff D (12/31/2014)
"I have done the Guinness over Coco Puffs... It's not good." - Jeff D (12/31/2014)
"I want her boots." "Yeah, I want her boobs, too." - Dawn B & Jeff D (12/31/2014)
lol
"You got sexual innuendos..." "Well that stuff she wouldn't get." - Jeff D & Jon B (01/01/2013)
"She's gonna think I'm drunk." "You are drunk." - Jeff D & Dawn B (01/01/2013)
"Is that after you sucked yourself?" - Jeff D (12/31/2012)
"It only gets warmer and fuzzier from here." - Jeff D (12/31/2012)
"I don't think sex should be complicated but it is!" - Jeff D (12/31/2012)
"Dimitri equals pain and shots." - Jeff D (12/31/2012)
"Any harder and I would have some beer to drink." - Jeff D (12/31/2012)
i don't know what that was about
"Come on, there's a lot of things you can do with whipped cream." - Jeff D (12/31/2012)
"He's afraid he's gonna get shot." - Jeff D (12/31/2012)
"When you get drunk you get logical." - Jeff D (12/31/2012)
"My Miller Light doesn't look like yours..." - Jeff D (06/08/2012)
"If you disagree with her and you want to fight it out in jello and mud, I understand." - Jeff D (06/08/2012)
"What was that stuff we were drinking before?" "Hamster vomit." - Jeff D & Dave N (06/08/2012)
"I don't remember all this..." - Jeff D (06/08/2012)
"When do you embark on your new journey?" "Uh, which one?" - Dawn B & Jeff D (04/19/2012)
he has several exciting journey's ahead of him
"Dave here has to go to a job..." - Jeff D (04/19/2012)
jeff just quit his job that day
"Didn't you have the cops wake you up one morning?" "I was fully clothed." - Jeff D & Dave N (04/19/2012)
"It's because of the aliens." - Jeff D (01/01/2012)
"Those fire police are always a buzz kill." - Jeff D (12/31/2011)
how the party we went to was broken up by the cops
"What's stereo vision? Is that when you can see music?" - Jeff D (12/31/2011)
"Ah, to the right... Kitty, kitty!" - Jeff D (12/31/2011)
bri made up a rule that every time an odd number rolled, you had to pet a cat
"Burn it here." "Yeah, do you have a lighter?" - Brian C & Jeff D (12/31/2011)
texas hold em
"Two's are wild?" "Yeah, but I'm going to change it." - Jeff D (12/31/2011)
while he was looking at his hand
"This isn't Cher..." - Jeff D (12/31/2011)
dawn put on lady gaga
"I want to put my boobs on?" - Jeff D (12/31/2011)
the hats, madana...
"There are thousands of people who go on there..." "At the same time!" - Jon B & Jeff D (02/10/2011)
"I don't remember the rest of that night but..." - Jeff D (02/10/2011)
he had a few red bulls
"China Town... Because you're on Metro or because you're going to get mugged?" - Jeff D (02/10/2011)
"Is that in like a few hours? To some people, that's a long time." - Jeff D (07/15/2010)
"Well I felt bad for you guys." - Jeff D (07/15/2010)
he hit one of our balls in in pool
"I'm not gonna make it anyway." - Jeff D (07/15/2010)